My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
