last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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