How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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