ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
