dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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