i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
