Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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