Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
