Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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