How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
