i barfeds in our rink
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
