We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
