Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
