So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
