I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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