Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
