Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
