Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
