then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
