I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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