And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
