I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
