Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
