wakey wakey hands off snakey
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
