Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
