Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
