just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
