Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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