worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
