well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sext me about skeletons
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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