I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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