Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
