i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
