I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
