Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
