Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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