Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
