gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
