Michael Bay diarrhea
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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