I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
