Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
