Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
