im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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