She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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