I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
