I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i believe in u and ur pee
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
