I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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