I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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