I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
