I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
