It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
