She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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