he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
