So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
