You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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